La Belle et la Bête version Ghetto : il fallait y penser, Todrick Hall l’a fait. N’empêche que ça aurait pu donner quelque chose de proprement génial si une telle version était sortie sur les écrans. Imaginez : un super melting-pot montrant, à la fin, que la voie vers le véritable Happy End ne peut être trouvée que grâce à une entente franche et universelle entre tous les peuples de la Terre. Respectons-nous tous bordel.
Et les paroles of course :
BELLE
Little town, it’s a quiet village.
Every day like the one before.
Little town, full of little people.
Waking up to say…
HOOD PEOPLE
What’s good? What’s good? What’s good? What’s good?
GLOZELL
Get yo tail out the street!
BELLE
There go Bonquesha she wit Trey like always.
He on the downlow I can tell.
Every morning just the same since the morning that we came
To this busted wretched town.
CLEETUS
(Spoken) Good morning, Belle.
BELLE
(Spoken) Good morning, Cleetus.
CLEETUS
(Spoken) Where you going?
BELLE
(Spoken) The weave shop! I just saw the most wonderful up do with some finger waves and some micro braids…
CLEETUS
(Spoken) That’s nice… Patrice, one of my brownies! Hurry up!
IMAN
Hey little mama can I get them digits
So I can hit you on yo cell? Yo let me get it though.
HATER GIRL
Her beauty ain’t all that!
IMAN
But her booty is real fat.
IMAN/HATER GIRL
No denyin’ she a bougie girl that Belle.
STREET LADY
What’s good?
KEITH
What it do?
STREET LADY
How is yo Ma’n’em?
BELLE
Bonjour!
GLOZELL
What you call me?
BELLE
How is your wife?
HUNGRY LADY
I need six legs!
CHEAP LADY
Uh-uh, that’s too expensive.
BELLE
There must be more than this old hood rat life!
LAWASHA
(Spoken) Hey, Belle!
BELLE
(Spoken) Hey LaWasha, hey LaDrya. I came to get my hair did. Have you got anything new?
LAWASHA
(Spoken) Girl, not since Isaiah.
BELLE
(Spoken) That’s alright, I’ll take this one.
LAWASHA
(Spoken) Girl, you gonna spoil him!
BELLE
(Spoken) Well he’s my favorite! I mean, look at those eyes, those little cheeks, his little Caesar cut…
LAWASHA
(Spoken) If you like him all that much, then he yours.
BELLE
(Spoken) But ma’am-
LAWASHA
(Spoken) Girl, I insist!
BELLE
(Spoken) Thank you! Thank you very much!
LAWASHA & LADRYA
Look there she go, she think she got that good hurr.
Girl, that’s a lace-front I can tell.
LAWASHA
Where she get that ugly dress?
MILES JAI
Cause she look a crusty mess!
LAWASHA & MILES JAI
Cause she really is a bougie girl that Belle! Mmm.
BELLE
Oh, isn’t this a hot mess?
Who would name their first-born Blue Ivy?
Here’s Kim Kardash and Kanye.
Wonder if they’ll have a brand new show on BET?
VONZELL
Well I had heard that she a chocolate chaser.
They say she like that caramel.
SHAQUEEBA
She aint looking for no beast
Less he lookted like Tyrese.
RANDOM HISPANIC
Very different from the rest of us.
VONZELL & SHAQUEEBA
But you ain’t like the rest of us.
ALL
Yes, different from the rest of us is Belle.
*gunshot*
(Spoken) Oh shit! (Running and shouting)
JEROME & LITTLE FOOL
(Spoken) I said Jerome in the house, I said Jerome in the house!
LITTLE FOOL
(Spoken) Watch your mouth!
JEROME
(Spoken) What’s up, little lady? Your dad must be a cop cause you got fine written all over you!
LITTLE FOOL
(Spoken) He said you got fine written all over-
JEROME
(Spoken) Be quiet little fool! Let’s say we walk through the hood real quick?
BELLE
(Spoken) No thank you, Jerome.
JEROME
(Spoken) Hold on, hold on, woah woah! What do you mean no thank you, mama? You’re the finest girl I ever asked, so why don’t you spin around for me?
Right from the moment I had met you, seent you,
I said you bangin’ and I fell.
Baby, what’s it gonna be?
Tell me is you feelin’ me?
Cause I’m makin’ plans to leave my momma house.
JEROME FANGIRLS
Look thurr he go. Isn’t he awl that?
My boo, Jerome… Girl he so foine!
Uh-uh, fo’ real? Girl, no he didn’t!
If she can’t use yo’ comb don’t bring her home!
HOOD PEOPLE
Eh-Eh.
Mmhmm.
Uh-uh.
Oh-krrr.
Yo’ kitchen nappy.
Girl hide yo kids.
Sho nuff!
Shawty!
Okay!
Ain’t nobody got time for that!
JEROME
Yo homie, move!
HOOD PEOPLE
Jamal!
Jamel!
Jaquan!
Jaquel!
My baby daddy!
BELLE
There must be more than this old hood rat life!
JEROME
If you got good credit, you can be my wife!
ALL
Look there she go, she lookin’ so ridik’lous.
She think she in a furry tale.
Why she got her weave like that?
Tell me where they do that at.
She really is a bougie girl.
A beauty, but a bougie girl.
She really is a bougie girl… That Belle!
What’s good?
What’s good?
What’s good?
What’s good?
What’s good?
What’s good?
GLOZEL
If you don’t get out the skreet, ooh I swear for God! Uh uh!
Don’t make me take my shoe off!
Ooh get outta my way!
Heffa.
